


All At Once

by monsterleadmehome



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Happy Ending, Loss of Virginity, Post-Canon, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-22 15:48:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17062553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterleadmehome/pseuds/monsterleadmehome
Summary: The First Order has taken over the planet Neftali in the Soccoro system. Every year, the town of Cordel Cove hosts a winter carnival that culminates in a masquerade ball. The presence of one Supreme Leader has been requested.The Resistance has come to Neftali to strike a deal with a shady organization, using the carnival as a distraction. They send Rey to the masquerade to keep an eye on things. After one too many drinks, the masked man all in black catches her eye and asks for a dance. But what will happen when the masks come off?





	All At Once

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SpaceWaffleHouseTM](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceWaffleHouseTM/gifts).



> Based on this prompt: Canonverse Post TLJ Ben and Rey meet again at a masquerade ball for the first order and don't realize who the other is.
> 
> Waffles, I am a big fan of your writing and it was a pleasure to write this for you! I hope you enjoy!

Winds whipped furiously around the command shuttle as it landed on Neftali, sending gusts of powdery white snow in every direction. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren let out a frustrated huff, none too amused that he could see his breath in the frosty temperatures of this Force-forsaken planet. General Hux had tried to tell him he wasn’t needed for this, but Kylo wasn’t about to fall for that. He knew enough to keep his eyes on all the dealings that Hux currently had his hands in.

As they disembarked, the flurries swirled around his black cape, a stark juxtaposition of extremes—black and white, light and dark, fire and ice. It certainly wasn’t making him think about anyone, least of all _her_. The scavenger had abandoned him, just like everyone else in his life. After reassuring him that he wasn’t alone, she had not only left him alone in Snoke’s throne room after trying to pull her weapon on him, but she had shut him out of their bond completely. It seemed her promises were no better than—well, he didn’t think about _him_ anymore, either. And yet, as he saw the jagged peaks of Orane Mountain rising before them, he knew his father had been on this planet before.

Neftali was a barren world, but home to a good chunk of the Outer Rim’s seedy underbelly. A place no doubt that Han Solo would have been very comfortable in. It made Kylo uneasy. But Hux said it was essential to securing the Soccoro system, and thereby the Triellus Trade Route. Kylo could see the long term benefits of cracking down on the spice trade, sure, but at the present, he would argue that there were more important things they could be doing. Not that any of it mattered while half of their fleet was still being repaired or replaced. In addition to losing the _Supremacy_ to that blasted Holdo maneuver, subsequent attacks had rendered several more star destroyers inoperable for the time being. His fists clenched at his sides, the gloves squeaking against the impossibly cold and wet precipitation.

“Supreme Leader, I know this is not how you would prefer to be spending a weekend, but this festival is important to the Neftalians.”

“I know. You’ve already briefed me on that.”

Hux’s mouth shrank into a thin line. He was not at all happy that Ren decided to join on this trip, and was hoping that he would choose not to attend most of the meetings lined up. “Yes, well. You look rather perturbed.”

“It’s kriffing freezing. Of course I’m _perturbed_.” Kylo suspected temperature didn’t affect Hux at all due to his lack of heart. A smirk threatened to pull at his mouth, but he tamped it down.

Once inside Cordel Cove, he felt himself relax. The temperature was comfortable, and a rotund man dressed in furs came to lead them to their quarters. His name was Ormund, and his Basic was thickly accented. “We are most honored to house the Supreme Leader of the First Order. This is our nicest suite we have prepared for you. Please buzz the servant droids for anything you may require.”

“Thank you,” Kylo said with a curt nod as he walked into the room and the door slid shut behind him. He took in the accommodations, which were more than sufficient.

There were large duraglass windows that opened up into breathtaking views of the ice caves. He shivered although the room was perfectly warm and promptly clicked the button to draw the large panel shades closed. Kylo was used to running warm. The cold usually didn’t bother him, but there was something about this planet that had a way of seeping into one’s veins. A substantial fireplace sat against one wall, still unlit. He fired it up and broke a slight grin at the D'oemir bear rug stretched out in front of it. He gazed around the rest of the room, noting the massive bed and idly wondered if this was the honeymoon suite. The hollow pang in his chest went ignored.

It hadn’t been a strenuous trip, but he plopped down on the bed, exhausted. It was rare that he felt his age, perpetually feeling like that gangly, oversized teenager ruining his uncle’s perfectly good Jedi academy. Today, however, he felt every one of his thirty years keenly. His birthday was last standard month and passed by silently. Removing his gloves, he ran his hands through his hair. Had his mother remembered? Did she mourn the loss of her son on that day? Selfishly he hoped she had spared a thought for him, but he pushed the longing aside. Even without the dark tendrils of Snoke weaving through his mind, he still mentally berated himself for sentiment.

“Brooding is a good look on you,” said a wizened voice from the other side of the room.

Kylo groaned. “Not now, Luke.”

“I’m sorry—you didn’t think it would be that easy to get rid of me, did you?”

He turned to see his uncle smirking, his usual blue glow somehow very fitting in the current setting. “If I had known how much of a pain you’d be in death, I would have tried everything in my power to keep you alive.”

“There’s the dramatic Skywalker spirit.”

“ _What_ —do you want?” Kylo gritted his teeth, trying to remain calm and failing terribly. His uncle had been tormenting him every couple days since Crait, which by now was several months ago.

“Did I ever tell you that your grandfather was really into podracing as boy?” He strolled around the room, knocking the odd trinket over like a curious loth-cat in a new house. When he came upon the rug, he bent over and patted the head firmly, watching it bounce back. “Oh, that’s fun.”

A hand raked down Kylo’s face. He almost wished Hux would show up at his door. That’s how desperate he was to get away. “No, you haven’t.”

“Back on Tatooine, Anakin built his own custom racer. He was the only human known to take part in the dangerous sport at the time. It’s how he won his freedom.”

Kylo had known very little about his grandfather, not finding out until his early twenties that he had been the great Darth Vader. He knew Anakin was a former slave, but the bit about podracing was new. Still, he didn’t want Luke to know he found this information fascinating. “And why are you telling me this?”

Luke shrugged and eyed Kylo’s bag that Ormund had set just inside the door. “All I’m saying is it runs in your blood. Make him proud, Ben.”

Before he could yell at him not to call him by that name, he was gone. It was one of the shortest visits yet. He wondered if Force ghosts could weaken over time. _I can only hope_. He let himself fall back onto the bed and promptly fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

_This place is even colder than Starkiller_ , Rey thought glumly. She pulled her hand-me-down coat tighter around herself and assumed she looked like a scrawny bantha. “Did you really have to pick the coldest planet in the whole galaxy?” she yelled down the ramp to Poe.

General Leia brushed past her, her stiff collared coat as unflinching as she. “You haven’t been to Hoth.”

“Is it… colder?” Rey followed her down the ramp of the light freighter they had used to get there. Though the Falcon was considered the unofficial mascot of the Resistance, it was too conspicuous for a place like Cordel Cove—especially for the business they had here.

The General rolled her shoulders, breeze stirring the odd flyaway from her intricate braids atop her head. “Maybe not, but it was windier. At least they don’t have tauntauns here.”

Finn smiled at them. “No, but I heard there are bears.”

“Oh, bears! I’ve always wanted to see one.” Everyone turned to stare at Rose in her ice blue jacket that was so puffy Rey thought she might float away. She shrugged sheepishly. “From a distance of course.”

“Well, hopefully we won’t be seeing any bears,” Poe said, turning to get a glimpse of their host, a lumbering Whiphid who had clearly seen better days. “We’re here to meet with much more dangerous beings.”

“Yes we are,” Leia grumbled. They were there to rendezvous with a member of the Hutt Cartel, who had a shipment of spices for them to smuggle across the Triellus Trade Route. If they were successful, the cartel would provide ships and money to the Resistance to aid in their fight against the First Order. It was risky, but they didn’t have many other options these days.

They were led to their meager quarters. Due to the Winter Carnival, there weren’t many rooms available—so it was girls in one room and boys in the other. Rey wondered about how this would fare for everyone, seeing as Finn was _kinda_ seeing Rose but oblivious to the fact that Poe had feelings for him. She also wasn’t looking forward to sharing a space with Ben’s mom, the same woman who had saved the galaxy on more than one occasion and currently led the Resistance. Yeah, this wouldn’t be awkward at all.

The girls’ room had a full-sized bed in one compartment and a double metal bunk in the other. She threw her bag onto the bottom bunk and plopped down next to it, thinking about Ben. Some days it physically hurt to keep herself shut away from him. It felt like there was a missing piece inside her soul that only he could fill. But not from the opposite side of the war. She would wait until the Force was done working its will… or until he left her no choice. There wasn’t another way.

“Sweet, I get the top bunk.” Rose seemed happy about everything these days, and Rey couldn’t decide if it was a face she put on for everyone—or if she really was just that happy. She had survived her rescue attempt of Finn, after all. And now they were together, sort of.

Rey watched as the other woman got her stuff all settled and then turned to leave.

“I think everyone is going to the welcome mixer at Exovar’s Emporium. You coming?”

“I’m actually a bit tired from the trip. I think I’m going to just crash.”

Rose nodded, her side bangs bouncing along. “No problem. Hope you get some rest!”

Once she was gone, along with the General and the boys, Rey let herself relax. She stretched out as much as she could on the small bunk and drifted off. She hadn’t been sleeping well lately, constantly scared the bond would reopen as she slumbered and send her unwittingly into Ben’s arms. It terrified her how much that thought excited her. It wasn’t long until the man who took up so much space in her mind invaded her dreams as well.

It came in flashes…

_A warm gloved hand at her back with an impressive array of ice sculptures around them._

_Ben smiling so wide as he looked into her eyes, dimples she had never seen before changing the whole landscape of his beautiful face._

_The two of them, naked and sweaty, writhing on top of a furry rug—her moans as he moved inside of her echoing throughout the room as a fire glowed in the background._

_A flash of blue as a ship broke atmo and a surge of melancholia so deep it reminded her of sweltering days on Jakku._

She woke up sweating, though from fear or arousal she wasn’t quite sure.

 

* * *

 

His huffs of breath came in quick successions as he woke up, covered in perspiration. _What an intense and vivid dream._ Kylo had seen her again, as he often did in dreams, but never with quite so little clothing. And the way she looked at him—he could almost believe that she cared. But it was only a dream, right?

He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. He was stiff from the position he had fallen asleep in. Hux had scheduled some meet and greets with the leadership here at Cordel Cove, but it was nothing that required his presence. In fact, they both preferred it if Kylo _didn’t_ make an appearance at these things. Looking at the chrono, he realized how early into the night cycle it still was. Nothing was required of him until the masquerade ball the evening after tomorrow, but he had something of his own scheduled for the morning.

He did a quick succession of exercises—crunches, push ups, and some lunges to get his blood flowing. When he was sufficiently tired out, he ambled into the impressive ‘fresher and drew a hot bath. It had been ages since he’d indulged in anything so frivolous, but he had nothing else to do and nowhere to be. As his muscles relaxed in the water, his mind wandered back to his dream. Re—the _scavenger_ had been so responsive to his touch; he’d be lying if he said it was the first time he’d had a dream like that. No other woman had ever affected him this way. He was already hard just thinking about her naked body underneath him.

Before he had time to evaluate what he was doing, he gripped himself beneath the warm water and started to pump. A groan left his lips remembering the way she had writhed beneath him and he tried to imagine what her small, callused fingers would feel like stroking him. He worked himself over, getting closer the clearer she got in his vision. He came with a guttural cry, the hot spurts landing on his wet abdomen before sliding down into the bathwater. _Dammit_. He rolled his eyes as he pulled the stopper off the drain.

By the time he collapsed back into the massive bed, he was thoroughly exhausted. Thankfully, it was a dreamless sleep. When he awoke in the morning, he quickly went through his routine and grabbed his bag before rushing out the door. It was rare that Kylo got excited for things, but this was one of them.

 

* * *

 

Rey was used to waking up early. She had to, in order to get the best parts before the other scavengers and bring them to the outpost first. Everyone else was still sleeping. Rose was snoring softly, her mussed hair spread out on the pillow. As she crept to the ‘fresher, she noted the General also lying still beneath the covers. _Must’ve been a late night_.

After she showered, she went back to the compartment to gather her things to find Rose yawning.

“I didn’t even hear you come back last night. You have fun?”

“Yeah, you were out like a light. It was pretty great. We danced a little and drank a lot.”

Rey grunted. “I bet the boys are still sleeping as well.”

“Poe could barely walk on the way back,” Rose said with a giggle.

“I’m going down to watch the swoop races. Wanna join?”

“Absolutely! Let me just get cleaned up.”

Rose didn’t take very long, and the two of them set off for the ice caves shortly after. There was a small cafeteria that they stopped in to grab some breakfast and caf before heading over to the spectator area. The main ice cavern was huge, the track forming an oblong shape with plenty of stalactites and stalagmites as obstacles. Thousands of people filled the stands, most of them tourists from other systems who were only here for the festival.

Rey’s mouth opened slightly in childlike wonder as she and Rose made their way through the crowd to find seats. She had never seen something like this. A child of a desert planet, she couldn’t even imagine such frozen terrain existed, let alone that people raced through it. She eyed the swoop bikes that were lined up and waiting with something akin to envy. It made her think of her custom built speeder and how she had always wanted to participate in something like this. She had heard rumors of podracing on Jakku at one point, but never was able to locate a race. It was just a legend, anyway.

One of the swoops in particular caught her eye: a sleek black and chrome number. It looked all tricked out, the repulsorlift engine gleaming in the rays of sunlight filtering in through the gaps at the top of the ice cave. Its sharp flaps and large control vanes looked menacing next to the other bikes. Then the racers walked out to mount their vehicles. The human who piloted the swoop she’d been eyeing made his way over to it, and she sucked in air sharply through her teeth. He was _tall_ , clad all in black to match his bike, with heavy boots and an aerodynamic helmet to shield his face from the frigid air of the track. The helmet was black as well, save for the chrome grill that looked a bit like a foreboding smile.

Her heart started racing. He reminded her of—but no, that was impossible and she wouldn’t even entertain the idea that under all that leather and chrome—

“Rey, are you okay?” Rose looked genuinely concerned.

Oh _kriff_ , was her face red? “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that racer.” She nodded in his direction.

Rose looked down to where she was indicating and grinned. “Oh yeah… I bet he’s hot under all that leather. And check out that _ass_!”

_“Rose!”_ she scolded.

“What? Just because I’m dating Finn doesn’t mean I can’t look.”

She guessed that were true, but if Rey were dating Ben… she didn’t think she’d be looking at anyone else. Not that it mattered. She was pretty sure she had flipped a gasket; you weren’t _supposed_ to fantasize about your sworn enemy. “He does have a nice ass, doesn’t he?”

They fell silent as the race was about to begin and sipped their caf. Then a booming voice came over the speakers. “Welcome, one and all, to Neftali and the Cordel Cove Winter Festival races! This morning begins the first of several races to determine this year’s champion. Swoop racers have come from many different systems to compete, and here in the first qualifying race we have twelve fearless candidates. Wish them luck!”

The announcer read through the roster of racers. Rey learned the black swoop bike was the _Renegade_. Seemed appropriate. Then it was time to begin. A dramatic pause was taken before he spoke again. “Racers, on your mark. Ready… steady… BURN IT!”

The racers zoomed off as a small humanoid waved a green flag before them. They whipped around the various obstacles in their way, all making the first turn with relative ease. Rey’s eyes never strayed long from the _Renegade_ —which wasn’t hard as it shortly pulled out in front of the other bikes. A small Dug on a green swoop wiped out on one of the stalagmites, taking a red bike along with it and crashing into a fiery heap on the edge of the cavern. Medics sped over to assist them while the race continued on.

It was one of the most exciting things Rey had ever witnessed. Both she and Rose were out of their seats, cheering the _Renegade_ on as the swoops rounded the last turn of the last lap. He was still just ahead of the royal blue bike, piloted by a Twi’lek, her green lekku spilling out of a custom helmet. As they sped towards the finish line, it looked like the he slowed down ever so minutely, letting the Twi’lek pull ahead and cross first. The girls let out an audible sigh together.

“Did he just—” Rose started.

“Throw the race?” Rey finished.

“But why would he do that? He was so clearly in the lead!”

“I… don’t know. Maybe he didn’t want to win?”

“Why would you enter if you didn’t want to win? The grand prize is fifty thousand credits!”

“Maybe he doesn’t need the money and does it just for fun.”

They were so busy arguing that they didn’t notice two figures come up behind them. Finn grabbed Rose around the middle and hoisted her into the air as she giggled and screamed. “Put me down! I’m still fragile, you know.”

“Oh you are not. The bacta healed everything just fine.” He quirked an eyebrow as he smiled and planted a quick kiss on her nose. It had taken her several weeks after Crait to fully recover, and she still liked to milk it with Finn for some reason.

Poe looked just as uncomfortable as Rey felt. “Swoop racing, eh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty thrilling! You guys want to join us?”

Poe shook his head. “Maybe later. Right now, we came to grab you both for some business stuff. Our resident Jedi is requested.”

Rey turned to follow, but muttered under her breath, “I wish you would stop calling me that.”

 

* * *

 

Kylo stomped back through the corridors below the stands where the racers had gotten ready. He dared not remove his helmet till he made it back to his quarters. The race had been his to win, but he didn’t want the attention that would’ve come with it. A lot of people would be scandalized to see the Supreme Leader of the First Order take first place in a swoop race. Hux would be livid. He balled his fists tightly. Losing really didn’t sit well with him. At least the Twi’lek girl had been happy. He imagined the scavenger would probably be good at this, too. Then again, she was good at everything, including breaking hearts.

He had another race to compete in later, but he was thinking about blowing it off. This was supposed to be fun, a way to blow off steam. And whipping around the track at dangerous speeds had been thrilling, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something here he was missing. Something that felt close but just out of reach. Once he was back inside his room, he slid the helmet off and breathed deeply.

“Nice work out there, kiddo.”

“Please leave me alone.” He closed his eyes and turned around, not wanting to acknowledge the presence.

“You were really channeling Anakin around those corners.”

“Uncle Luke—”

The azure apparition stilled for a moment. He hadn’t been addressed as such in a long time. “I know I’m the last person you want to see. And I’ll go in a moment. I just wanted to tell you that this weekend is important. You still have a destiny, and it’s not to rule the galaxy”—Kylo rolled his eyes—“but it _is_ to bring balance. Look, Anakin lived under a burden of being the ‘Chosen One’. It was why he eventually succumbed to the dark side and became Darth Vader. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. So was I… but we both made some pretty terrible mistakes.”

“You can say that again.”

Luke looked sad. “There’s nothing I could ever say to make it up to you, Ben. No amount of apologies can undo what I did. But you still have a chance to succeed where we failed. It’s gotta be you… and Rey.”

“What?” Kylo swiveled around to find the ghost of his uncle gone.

Frustrated, he plopped onto the edge of the bed and kicked off his heavy boots. What did Luke mean by that? How was he supposed to bring balance to the Force? And what role did the scavenger play in it? Before he could get lost in his thoughts, Hux’s grating voice came over his comm. Apparently he was wanted in a meeting.

“Oh for the love of—” he yanked his boots back on and stormed out of the suite.

 

* * *

 

“Are we all in agreement then?” Leia looked calmly around the table at everyone.

Rey was quietly sipping some Neftalian pure ice water, and it was the most refreshing thing she’d ever tasted in her life. She nodded once. “Are you sure you want me to be the only one attending the masquerade ball?”

Poe answered her. “Yes, we’re confident the First Order is going to have more of a presence elsewhere. General Hugs will probably make an appearance at the ball, but I’m guessing he won’t be there long.”

She couldn’t understand why she was being given the easy assignment. Even Rose was getting to tag along to their meeting with the Hutts. She had a sneaking suspicion it was because she was seen as a _Jedi_ —a symbol, rather than a person. Many in the Resistance questioned her power and treated her as someone to be feared, even though General Leia was a Force-user as well. She shook her head, trying to dispel the negative thoughts. Maybe there was another reason. “But I didn’t bring anything suitable to wear.”

“You’ve got an appointment scheduled tomorrow afternoon for hair, makeup, and wardrobe.” Leia handed her a datapad. “The details of where to go are there.”

“Oh. Thanks.” As useless as she was feeling, she guessed she understood. Besides, it might be nice to just have a little girly fun for once. Rey almost never got to dress up, and she had never really danced much either. A small piece of her started to look forward to the next evening.

After a dinner buffet where she proceeded to stuff herself as full as she could possibly be without bursting, Rey decided to accompany Finn to the cantina for a few drinks. Poe and Leia had official business, while Rose had opted to turn in early.

“So how are things with Rose?”

He took a swig of luminous teal liquid. “A bit weird, actually. Like, I care for her a lot, and she saved my life—”

“But you don’t love her.”

Finn frowned. “Not like that, anyway. But I’m afraid to call it off, and I just thought that maybe I don’t understand relationships? It’s not like I’ve ever been in one.”

Rey touched him on the shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way as she does, and it’s okay to stop seeing her. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to stay with her out of obligation.” She paused, seeing the wistful look in Finn’s eye. “Is there someone else?”

“For awhile there, I thought it was you.”

“Me, really?” She laughed a little as she drank her ale.

“Then I realized it wasn’t like that with us. You were my first friend, and I love you like family.”

Rey smiled. “Me too.”

“But, uh—”

“Poe,” she said simply.

“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Is that weird?”

“Not at all.” She grabbed his hand. “The heart wants what it wants.” Rey only hoped he’d be just as understanding for her in the event he ever found out who her heart wanted.

 

* * *

 

Kylo left the meeting muttering to himself. He had tried to talk Hux into attending the big masquerade ball tomorrow evening instead of him, but it was no use—he insisted that they needed the _Supreme Leader_ there. And _of course_ he would have to get all gussied up for it. He had tasked his team with bringing the proper garments. He was Leia Organa’s son, after all. It was important to their image that he be seen in attendance, but just in case there were any rebels also there, his costume would have to be good.

He looked over the designs on his datapad again. Yes, it was plenty intimidating. Hopefully that would steer away any eligible women who wanted to dance. His mother had taught him how a long time ago, but he hated it. Standing so close to a stranger, breathing in their scent. Touching them and being touched. There was only one person that he actually liked touching and she—well, he needed to stop thinking about her constantly. She had made it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with him, even after he offered her the galaxy.

It was one more day of this frivolous nonsense, and then they could get back to the real business at hand: restoring peace and order to the galaxy, by whatever means necessary. He decided to go scrounge up something to eat as Hux’s blasted meeting had made him miss dinner. There were several cafeteria options, including one that was open 15 hours (their day cycle was a little rough). He passed by the cantina on the way and had to do a double take at the lilting laugh he heard. It had sounded like _her_ , but that was impossible… wasn’t it?

 

*

 

Rey had to support some of Finn’s weight as she escorted him back. He was very drunk. Her laughter bubbled up as they exited the cantina and roamed the icy halls to their quarters. A flash of black caught the corner of her eye, and she whipped her head around. _Ben_. But no, he was light years away—right?

She sighed, the longing eating a hole in her chest. “Everything alright?” Finn asked.

“Aces. Just getting a little tired of lugging you around.”

“I’m perfectly fine on my own,” he protested, shoving off of her and stumbling across the hall.

“Clearly.” She rushed to his side, slinging his arm back over her shoulder as they continued their trek. “I had fun tonight.”

“Me too,” he said, giving her nose a quick _boop_.

Once Finn was safely back in his room, Rey made her way to hers. Leia wasn’t back yet, but Rose was fast asleep. She decided to follow suit and collapsed onto her bunk, unceremoniously kicking off her shoes and not even bothering to change. The night cycle was shorter on this planet and she wanted to make use of each hour.

When she awoke, everyone was already gone. She supposed she should’ve been grateful that they let her sleep in, but it only reinforced her belief that she didn’t fit in. Not as a Jedi, not with the Resistance, not anywhere. A piece of her had been left behind with Ben in that throne room, and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever get it back. Her knees came up to her chest as she wrapped her arms around them. Curling over herself in that tiny bunk, she let the tears flow long and hard before she got up.

After grabbing a quick bite to eat, Rey headed to the place listed on her datapad for her wardrobe appointment. She had no idea what to expect, so she hadn’t prepared. All she did was shower and throw some clothes on. The city was largely inside ice caverns and underground, so everything was connected. She wrapped her coat tighter as she wandered the icy halls until she came to the correct address.

A short togruta female welcomed her inside and Rey’s mouth dropped open. Glittering chandeliers hung from the the ceiling and clothes in every color and fabric lined the walls. There were several other customers getting the full treatment, in various steps of dressing or makeup. A table in the center had the most beautiful masks laid out on, all sparkling like precious gems in shades of violet, emerald, sapphire, ruby, and bright snowy white. They had feathers, leaves, branches, or even antlers affixed to them and a couple of the patrons held them excitedly up to their face in front of an ornate mirror.

“What’s your name, dear?”

“Rey,” she answered timidly.

“Ah, yes. We’ve been expecting you. The General picked out your gown herself.”

_She what?_ Leia hadn’t mentioned that. Rey wasn’t used to being girly or fawned over, but she let the staff do their work until she barely recognized herself. As they stood her in front of the mirror, she fleetingly thought, _I wish Ben could see me like this_.

 

* * *

 

This was ridiculous. Kylo had been to so many state dinners and political functions with his mother in his youth. Why was he nervous all of a sudden? Tonight was a formality. A frivolous party on an inconsequential Outer Rim planet. Yet, he couldn’t shake the butterflies in his stomach. As his assistants helped him get ready, all he could think was that something important was going to happen tonight. He needed to be ready.

He changed his mind about twenty minutes into the evening. While the tourists and Neftalians ate, drank, danced and generally had a grand old time, he was off sulking in the corner. Only one girl had dared to ask him to dance and his replying growl had sent her rustling off to the other side of the room, her garnet gown matching the color of her cheeks. That was when he had his first drink. The pure ice water was one of the major exports, and as such, they used it in all their drinks. The fizzy concoction he was drinking was especially tasty, but the bubbles went straight to his head.

It was his third—no, fourth—glass of the evening he was imbibing when he turned his head and saw _her_. Whoever this woman was, she stood out among all the other people in attendance. Her dress looked like someone had taken the frozen planet and turned it into something wearable: the top was a beautiful snowy white that bled into a silvery light blue bodice and finally a sapphire skirt that brushed the floor as she walked. The sheer overlay was covered in crystalline flowers that gave her the appearance of an ice queen. He could see the muscular definition of her tanned biceps beneath the wings (they were too elegant to be called sleeves) of the dress, which had the same color gradient and also stretched to the floor. Silky gloves the color of the ice caves went up to her elbows.

As she made her way across the ballroom, he watched her closely. The top half of her face was obscured by a pearly mask that had silver and white wings and branches flowing from the top. A silver flower that matched the ones on her dress sat in the middle of the arrangement. Her hair was most likely a dark brown but had been dusted with white and worked into a beautiful braids that sat atop her head, little pearls and branches tucked into the plaits. As she drew nearer, approaching the drinks, he could see the makeup beneath her mask. She was glittering, a silver glow on her cheeks and pale peach gloss on her full lips. He imagined what they would be like to kiss and instantly felt a pang of regret. Surely the scavenger wouldn’t care if he were attracted to another. She clearly didn’t want him. His lips puckered in that brooding way they were wont to do as he took another sip of his drink. _Wouldn’t want this lovely creature to catch me staring_.

He had turned his head just in time, but Rey still noticed, her lips quirking into a smile as she grabbed another drink. This fizzy stuff was delicious—how many had she had now? _Maybe three, no more than four, surely_. Her gaze was affixed to the man in black, the drinks only an excuse for wandering over here. She had had her eyes trained in his direction as she made her way across the room. This man was dark and mysterious, reminding her a bit of the swoop racer from the day before. He was sat at a table, but she could tell he was tall.

Dressed all in black, she tried not to think about who else he reminded her of. Only, his opulent coat was trimmed in gold brocade—it was around the sleeves, on the lapels and all down the edges, a flowery design she was almost sure Ben would never have approved. Beneath the coat, his vest and pants were excellently tailored, clinging to his well defined muscles in a very pleasing way. Even his black dress shoes had a bit of gold accents to match the brocade. And then there was the mask: elegant gold feathers wrapped around his eyes, surrounded by another layer of black feathers. Two enormous horns swooped upwards from the edges, making him look like a sexier Devaronian.

His dark hair was slicked back and had gold dust set into it. Small braids on either side of his head wound to meet in the back and were tied together with a gold ribbon. He cut an imposing but striking figure, especially when he stood up. He was just as tall as—

“Would the lady care to dance?”

_Kriff_ , he had seen her staring. Rey downed the rest of her drink and set the empty glass down. “I would be delighted.” Was that her voice? It sounded nearly an octave higher. Who was this man?

He offered her his black gloved hand and for a moment she hesitated, eyes far away. Then she took his hand, and he led her out onto the dance floor. Unsure of how close he should be, Kylo started with a tentative hand on her waist. There was something so familiar about this woman, but he was quite drunk by now and didn’t want to think too hard about it. “Are you from Neftali or just visiting?”

His voice was like molten honey and she tried not to shiver with his hand at her waist. She wasn’t sure how she managed not to step on his feet, but it was like her body was moving without the interference of her brain. The ice sculptures set about the ballroom whizzed past her vision as he twirled her. Rey rarely let herself get too close to men, and this one was dangerous—she could tell. “Just visiting for the carnival. I leave tomorrow. How about you?”

_Oh_ , her voice was like a song. “Same. I leave tomorrow.” Kylo looked down into the eyes behind the mask. She was wearing iridescent blue eyeshadow but were those hazel orbs beneath her batting lashes? She could almost be a clone of—

The song changed and they both gasped, electricity charging the air between them. He gripped her closer, his hand moving to her exposed back and in the process, his sleeve bunched slightly. His bare wrist grazed just a sliver of her skin and—

All the sound was sucked from the room.

A wall shattered. One that had been painstakingly built up and maintained for months on end. Suddenly, they were both awash in a fury of emotions—pain, anger, grief, despair, hope, desire, love—it all came flooding back as the bond roared to life. They could feel it all: the intense loneliness, the obscene arousal that was now taking over every other sense as they breathed each other in, their proximity sending every nerve into overdrive, trying to compensate for something they had been denied for far too long.

Rey’s eyes went wide as she looked into his and a throbbing between her thighs like she’d never known threatened to make her collapse against him. “Ben?” she whispered, afraid the illusion might break and this would all be a dream.

“Rey,” he growled, allowing himself to say her name for the first time in months as he pressed his heated wrist further into the skin of her back. It wasn’t enough. He needed to feel more of her—all of her.

Unbidden, a tear rolled down her cheek. She was feeling so many things it was hard to put a name on what belonged to her and what was his. The longing was so painful and exquisite, it had to be from them both. “How is this possible?”

His chest was heaving. Kylo didn’t care. Suddenly nothing mattered but the fact that she was in his arms, and he seemingly had another chance. He answered her question by bending down and pressing his mouth to hers. The tension they had both been holding so taut snapped as they melted together, arms entwining around each other.

Rey deepened the kiss, her tongue pleading for entrance at the seam of his lips until he opened for her, groaning slightly into her mouth. She could feel something hard against her stomach through his pants and realized what was happening. Her cheeks flushed, but she couldn’t bring herself to care about anyone who might be watching. This was all she had been thinking about, and finally he was here. It didn’t matter how.

As they pulled back for air, he murmured, “Are you needed anywhere anytime soon?”

She shook her head. “No, you?”

“No.”

They both stared at each other for several seconds, bodies alight with passion. Lustful eyes burned behind the safety of their masks, and they both felt the other was wearing too many clothes at the moment. It was a split second decision, perhaps fueled by the fizzy alcohol, or maybe more accurately the emotions of two lost souls who had been longing for their other half for so long that it was undeniable. This was meant to happen.

“Do you have a room?” Her voice was small.

“A suite. Would you like to see it?”

She nodded, her lips parting just a little. He linked his arm in hers and led her out of the ballroom. They passed through the icy interior of Cordel Cove, winding through the different halls until they were finally outside his suite. He removed his glove, using his fingerprint to open the sliding door and ushered them both inside.

Every hateful thing he had been holding inside in regards to Rey evaporated the moment his skin had touched hers. Now he lifted his ungloved hand to her face, removing the delicate mask and caressing her cheek. “I missed you,” he whispered before leaning in to kiss her again.

She stopped him before he could meet her mouth, and he cocked his head to the side in a quizzical fashion. She giggled, fingers reaching up to untie the mask still around his head. “I want to see your face, Ben.”

“Oh,” he laughed and it was the purest sound to Rey’s ears. She had never heard him laugh before. Once she could see him again, she pulled her gloves off quickly and brushed her fingers beneath his eye, finding the strip they had used to cover his scar.

“They did a good job with this.” She continued to peel downward until she had the whole thing off, revealing his long, jagged mark.

“Thought it was a good idea to cover up any identifying features.”

“Mm,” she replied, standing on her toes to kiss his scar. She ran her finger down the length. “I like to be able to see it. I think you look more handsome.”

He scoffed.

“I’m serious, Ben. Besides, I gave it to you. It shows you’re mine. I figure you would have healed it completely if you didn’t feel the same.”

Kylo thought about telling her that Snoke wouldn’t allow him to erase it completely, but decided against it. He was happy to be branded by Rey, if that meant she thought of him that way. His fingers twined in her hair as he kissed her again, shoving her back into the door of the room.

Rey moaned as his tongue slid against hers, burying her hands in his hair. _Stars_ , it was soft. She had wanted to touch him like this for so long—since he had comforted her on Ahch-To. She often thought about what would’ve happened if Luke hadn’t interrupted them. Probably this. When he pulled back to look at her again, her eyes wandered to the fireplace and the rug in front of it.

He followed her gaze and heat flowed through the bond. “I saw it, too. Would you like me to light the fire?”

“Yes, please.” Her dream came crashing back to the front of her mind and now she was wondering—had it been a vision?

After lighting the fire, Kylo removed his coat, flinging it onto a nearby chair. Rey was already seated on the bed, her shoes removed. She looked apprehensive. “Rey, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want—”

“I want you, Ben.” Her gaze was intense. “All of you. It’s all I want.”

He gulped as he sat beside her, twining their hands together. Her skin against his felt so right. “I’ve never done this before, any of it.”

“Me either.”

He nodded, running a hand through his hair. Some of the gold dust fell out. A smile lit up his whole face as his chocolate eyes bore into hers. Her heart stuttered. Then he started to kiss her again. Her hands immediately went to his vest buttons and started to undo them. He let her keep going until he was completely bare from the waist up. She ran her hands over the hard muscles of his stomach and across his pecs. “I’ve imagined touching you like this for so long.”

“You have?”

“Ben,” she chided. “Why do you think I was so flustered when you appeared to me? I was ashamed to be so attracted to the enemy.” He started to pull away at that word, but she grabbed his arms. “But that was before I knew what had happened. What Luke did.”

“Yes, well...” he trailed off, unsure of what to say.

She turned around. “Help me out of this?”

Every inch of her was perfect. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, causing her to shudder before he pulled the zipper down. Rey stood up, and he delicately peeled off the complicated dress. She had no breast band on, only a sheer pair of lacy underwear that made Kylo’s pants ridiculously tight. He could see the perfect globes of her ass underneath them and the crevice in between. He swallowed hard. “You’re so beautiful.”

She stepped out the dress and turned to face him, her pert breasts displayed for him to see at last. “I know they’re small, but—”

He cut her off with another kiss, palming her left breast and kneading it gently. “But nothing. You are perfect.”

He picked her up and Rey wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him furiously. There were so many feelings rushing through her body, she wasn’t sure what to process, so she let herself be in the moment. Instead of laying her back on the bed, though, he brought her in front of the fireplace, setting her down gently on the D'oemir bear rug. It was impossibly soft, and she looked up at him. “Just like my dream.”

“It was mine, too, sweetheart.” He started to undo his pants and pulled them down, stepping out of them. The underwear went next and it was Rey’s turn to gawk. “What? You haven’t ever seen one before?”

She had, in the holos Rose had shown her. In an ancient publication on flimsi she’d found under Poe’s bed. “Not one that big.” She swallowed and felt the ache between her legs start up again.

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” he whispered as he knelt down and positioned himself between her thighs.

“No, Ben. I’m not.” She leaned up and kissed him again. He worked his mouth down her neck and eventually to her breasts, swirling his tongue over her hardened peaks. Rey grunted and reached out to wrap her hand around his shaft.

“Fuck,” he cursed as she pumped him, moving in a way she thought he would like. “If you keep doing that, this isn’t going to last long.” Force knew how quickly he came these days, always imagining her when he stroked himself in secret.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, releasing him and moving her hands to his abs again. Her callused fingers brushed his bowcaster scar and he could only watch in awe as she dipped her head to kiss it.

“Rey,” he groaned. The need to bring her pleasure was intense. He wanted nothing more. “Lay back for me, sweetheart.”

She did as he asked, her tan skin beautiful against the white fur of the rug. The blue and silver of her makeup glowed in the light from the fire. She was the most stunning creature in the whole galaxy, and she wanted _him_. He fingered the waistband of her panties. “These are very sexy. I almost don’t want to take them off.” But if he left them, he’d be sure to rip them later.

“Please, Ben.” Her breath was coming in faster and she arched her back up off the floor to aid him in removing them. The lacy material was smooth under his fingertips as he shimmied the underwear down her body and tossed them aside. How he had dreamed of seeing her like this, spread out before him. He hovered over her apex, the little tuft of hair above doing unspeakable things to him. Then he dipped a finger into her folds. “Oh stars,” she moaned.

“Kriff, you’re so wet, sweetheart.” _All for you_. It was if he heard her in his mind.

Rey had touched herself many times before, but nothing compared to the feel of Ben’s thick finger inside her. Just one felt infinitely better than two of her own. Even better, he seemed to be able to read her mind as he explored her with his hand. He swirled his finger around her clit until she was nearly purring like a cat. When he plunged inside her opening she almost fell apart but he followed her every whim—adding a second finger, going more slowly, speeding up, crooking his fingers to reach that delicate spot inside. She felt her spine tingle as he continued thrusting inside her, something building to a precipice they wouldn’t come back from.

“Ben!” she screamed as she came undone around his fingers, her heat contracting around them. He had to hold on to all his composure in order to not lose it and come himself. He had just given Rey an orgasm. His smirk was wide as he climbed up her body, sticking his fingers into his mouth and sucking them clean with a moan.

She gave him a hazy smile back. “Pretty pleased with yourself, aren’t you?”

“I think you were, too, sweetheart.” His pride swelled (among other things) as he nestled himself against her, kissing her tenderly once more. Her fingers twined in his hair and he groaned. “I want to be inside you,” he whispered.

“Then what are you waiting for? I have the implant.”

Any fear or trepidation he may have felt before melted away at her insistence. She spread wider for him as he lined himself up at her entrance. Then he was easing inside, slowly—even slower—so as to savor every moment, every feeling of her molten velvet around him.

Rey gasped at the stretch and feeling Ben’s hesitation at her noises, gently placed her palm on his forearm. “I’m okay, I promise. Keep going.”

She arched up as he pressed on, able to sink in deeper as she was so, _so_ ready for him. When he bottomed out inside her, they both made the most guttural sound. " _Kriff_ , Rey. I’ve never felt so—”

“Me either,” she smiled and then moaned, eyes fluttering closed as he pulled back out. He moved slowly at first, but being in each other’s heads made everything even more intense. She moved when he needed her to and he touched her everywhere she wanted. The feeling of fullness wasn’t just Rey being filled to the brink with him, but it was both of them feeling whole for the first time.

Their cries and grunts of pleasure filled the room as the light from the fire danced off the walls. There were beads of sweat falling off their bodies as they ground into each other and Rey realized the exact moment from her dream. His hands wandered up her body, pulling her arms above her head and pinning her wrists there with one hand as he fucked her into the rug. They climbed together to a height neither of them had known before. Wanting something _more_ , Rey didn’t even have a chance to say anything. Ben moved his other hand down to stroke her sensitive bud again.

Together through the bond, they were chanting _mine, mine, mine_ , when pleasure overtook them and they came at the same time—Rey’s walls contracting around him as he released into her. Suddenly, a fog lifted and everything became clear. _This_ was what was missing. _This_ was what they had been chasing after. It was supposed to be like this: the two of them, together as one, righting the wrongs of the past. They were still panting, chests heaving, as their eyes widened with the knowledge that the Force had willed this.

“Did you—” he began.

“I felt it, too.” Rey closed her eyes as his hand smoothed back the sweaty tendrils of hair from her face and kissed her forehead.

Kylo’s eyes were closed, too, as he rolled off to the side and cradled Rey’s naked body to his chest. _Not Kylo, Ben_ , she corrected him. He supposed he was Ben, with her—maybe he always had been. He hated to think of him at a time like this, but Luke’s words came back into his mind. _Balance_. This was a part of that, and now he thought he knew the way to press on. To finish what his grandfather started.

“Come back with me,” she whispered against his collarbone.

He wanted to say yes, he really did. But there were other things he must take care of first. He thought of Hux and the plans he thought he was laying in secret. No, there were a few more pieces of the puzzle he had to see to before he could leave the First Order.

Somehow hearing all this, Rey said, “Promise you’ll be safe? That you’ll come back?”

He kissed her again. “I’ll come back for you, sweetheart. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Rey watched the command shuttle take off through the blizzard, half of her heart on board. The bond was still wide open, though, and she felt the calming waves Ben was sending her way. He had said he would come back for her, and thanks to her newfound revelations, she believed him completely. It didn’t make it hurt any less, though. The sorrow ripped through her heart, and she had to paste on a brave face for her comrades.

“You okay?” Rose asked as she tapped the last panel in the Falcon’s cargo hold shut. They had gotten all their freight on board without incident, and Poe was already in the pilot’s seat ready to go.

Rey thought about the smile on Ben’s face. “I will be.”

She was so lost in her thoughts about the night before that she missed the curious look that Leia gave her as they all took their places.

 

* * *

**Three Months Later**

 

Rey woke up with a start, her chest heaving as she gasped for air. She had another weird dream, but this time something told her it was more. She saw Ben’s TIE silencer nearly crash land on their planet, soldiers surrounding him as he rose out of the mist with his hands in the air. She quickly pulled on her clothes, needing to find out if anything was going on.

They had been in frequent communication, the bond usually opening at night on her planet. He would talk to her before bed, and then hold her in his arms as she fell asleep. Maybe they had tried a few other things through their special link as well… it was a perfectly natural progression. He never revealed any deeper secrets about what he was up to, or where he was. So if something was happening, she hadn’t been aware.

She had barely left her room when Connix came flying around the corner. She looked frantic. “Oh good, you’re up.”

“What’s going on?”

“We have a new prisoner. Just turned himself in. Says he will only speak to you or the General, and since she isn’t here right now…”

Right. Leia was off meeting with someone named Lando… whatever that was about. “Oh?” Rey asked innocently.

“It’s just better if you see for yourself,” Connix explained. She led her down to the brig where an angry Poe was storming out of the exterior doors.

He headed straight for Rey and stuck a finger in her face. “I don’t know what your connection with him is, but his information better be good.” Then he walked off, frustration rolling off him in waves.

Connix swiped her card and led Rey through the first set of doors. Before long, the front of the cell came into view as well as the staggering feeling of the Force leaving her body. When were they able to obtain ysalamiri? As she walked in front of the duraglass panel, she saw him, his intimidating form folded into an awkward seated position on the tiny bed. His eyes lit up as he raised his head to see her.

“Rey,” he breathed. Then he smiled—that wide, genuine Ben smile that she loved so much.

She looked at Connix. “Let me inside. I need to inspect him.”

“He’s already been fully searched.”

“Just do it!”

“Okay, okay.” The other woman gave her an odd look as she let her in. “I have to lock it behind you, but I’ll be here in case—”

“Just give us fifteen minutes alone, first?”

“Ummm… sure.”

As soon as Connix was gone from view, Rey flung herself into Ben’s arms. She knew there would be cameras watching, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. “You’re here,” she sobbed into his hair, pulling him as close to her as possible. She breathed him in, the scent of smoke and dirt filling her lungs.

He kissed her soundly, wiping the tears from her eyes with his ungloved hands. “I told you I’d come back for you, sweetheart.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Neftali](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Neftali)  
> [Orane Mountain](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Orane_Mountain)  
> [Triellus Trade Route](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Triellus_Trade_Route/Legends)  
> [Cordel Cove Winter Carnival](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cordel_Cove_Winter_Carnival)  
> [D'oemir bear](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/D%27oemir_bear)  
> [Whipid](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Whiphid/Legends)  
> [Exovar's Emporium](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Exovar%27s_Emporium)  
> [swoop racing](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Swoop_racing)  
> [Renegade Squadron](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Renegade_Squadron/Legends) (where Kylo got the name for his bike)  
> [Dug](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Dug)  
> Rey's [dress](https://tonyward.net/files/images/albums/55/Tony-Ward-PAP-FW1617-01-copy.jpg), [mask](http://masqueboutique.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Unique-Winter-Ice-Swan-Mask-with-Diamante-Flowers-.jpg), and [hair](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/83/a0/ab83a0bef1a3ea01e191c84a9bfc9033.jpg)  
> Ben's [outfit](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/49/5b/6b/495b6b5a5a272f97ab8611576eeea701.jpg) and [mask](https://cdn10.bigcommerce.com/s-iiijx0/products/16679/images/29845/fr78412__90369.1510268009.1280.1280.jpg?c=2)  
> [Devaronian](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Devaronian)  
> [Ysalamiri](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ysalamir)
> 
> Thanks to dreamsdescent for the beta!


End file.
